You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
