please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
