If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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