My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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