We're facebook friends in real life
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
