yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
