well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
