it was like his penis was on wheels.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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