Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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