Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
