just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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