I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
