Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
