Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
