I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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