is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
