dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
