The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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