i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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