Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
