If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
