I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
