Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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