Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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