did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
