i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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