I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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