What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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