i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
