If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
