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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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