Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
