When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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