since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
