I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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