Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
