I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
