She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
