My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
