Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
