what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
