i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
