He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
