your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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