i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
