U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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