the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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