I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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