He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
