drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
