My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
be right there i have to get my cape
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
