in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
