i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
