When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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