I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
