You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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