I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
