For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
whose parrot is this?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
